It's been over five months since I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy. I was actually planning on creating content about my birth story on TikTok but was not able to take videos since everything was a blur. I took my time to recover hence the late posting of this blog.
I seriously thought June 18 would just be another day. To be totally honest, I was just about tired of being pregnant (you know, just tired of being always exhausted in general). Since I hit the 36-week mark, I've been waiting and waiting for my little one to be born. I really did want to give birth early (but not pre-term) because I've just been feeling really uncomfortable.
Last June 13 (38w), I had my OB appointment to check if my cervix was already open, but to my dismay, my doctor told me that it was still closed so she advised me to take evening primrose which helps soften the cervix. She also asked me to get an ultrasound BPS (Biophysical Profile Score) before our next appointment which was supposedly last June 20. I got really disheartened - I really thought I was at least a bit dilated because recently I've been feeling queasy and have been experiencing cramps. I’ve already aired my frustration to my husband and friends but have come to terms that I may or may not give birth anytime soon at that time.
The morning of June 18th, when I woke up, I had a dream that I had already given birth - naturally. It was a weird dream because my aunt helped me deliver my baby. It was so fast, and it felt super easy. Lol. My birth plan was supposedly an unmedicated natural birth. I've already prepared myself mentally. At the time, I did not know how strong my pain tolerance was, but I was prepared to face the painful journey.
Recounting the Day I Gave Birth
June 18 at 10 am, I had an appointment with Focus Clinic to get my final ultrasound with BPS. When it was my turn, the doctor checked my baby and just said that my baby was quite big, which was ironic because the last time I was there, the doctor who checked on me told me that Lio was on the smaller side.
After the ultrasound, the radtech assistant told me to go buy a chocolate drink so that Lio would be active for the NST (NonStress Test). I bought a milo drink and gulped it fast because it was already my turn and she said this procedure was going to take around 30 minutes to finish. She hooked me up to the machine that checks for active contractions. After that, I waited around 15 minutes to get the results.
Fifteen minutes later, they finally gave the results. Out of curiosity and habit, I googled the interpretation of my results. I got an 8/10 BPS and Google told me that a "score of 8-10 means your baby is healthy" which made me feel relieved. But then I searched Oligohydramnios which was in my results and it said that I already have a low amniotic fluid. At that point, I kind of felt like I would be giving birth that day - but not the way I planned.
When we were driving our way home, I sent the results to my OB and she immediately responded and told me to get admitted to the hospital that day because we needed to deliver the baby ASAP. I told my husband what my OB said--that we needed to prepare my stuff and go to the hospital today. I was in shock like I couldn't believe it was happening. My husband was in shock, too. I think the information was a bit hard to process since it was so sudden.
At 2.30 pm, we arrived at the hospital, I had never been hospitalized before so I did not know what my pain tolerance was. All I know is that I hate needles. The nurse staff there were really friendly so it made me feel somewhat at ease. After they got all my info and called my OB, they hooked me on an IV. I did not look at the nurse or what he was doing with my hand because I did not want to get scared. It was painful because the nurse had a hard time since my veins were not cooperating. He had to try twice to find an access that worked. When it was finished, my husband told me that the needle was long so it was a good thing that I did not look. I also got skin tested and it was also painful but tolerable. Another nurse told me that my operation would be at 5 pm, so mentally I tried to prepare myself while looking at the time every now and then.
The Waiting Game
I think what was hard that day was the fact that I was super antsy waiting for my turn that my anxiety grew as time passed by. It was also the boredom I could not take. I hated being bored lol. Even though I had my phone and Kindle with me, I couldn't read or do anything because of the anticipation and anxiety I was feeling.
When 5 pm rolled around, they told us that our schedule got bumped to a later time because the operating room was still in use. We were supposed to stay in a private room but had to wait at an OB ward for a couple of hours because there were no available rooms at the time.
Unplanned C-section
At around 8 pm, a couple of nurses entered the ward and told us that I was to be moved to the operating room finally. Julian was not allowed to enter - I know in some hospitals they allow the fathers to enter the OR and cut the umbilical cord of the baby but honestly since this was an unplanned c-section, I never had the conversation with my OB so my husband stayed outside.
When I was in the OR, I kept singing Praise by Elevation Worship in my head to combat my fear and anxiety. I feared the pain of getting the spinal anesthesia but I had no other choice. When the doctor administered my anesthesia, I just took a deep breath and felt the syringe - it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. Being under anesthesia was a weird feeling. I couldn't explain the experience fully - but I did feel my leg starting to get numb. They told me that I would feel groggy after, but I believe I was somehow aware of what was happening.
I don't know when the operation started, but I do know that it only took less than 30 minutes and my baby was out. I remember hearing Lio's cry, and then I don't know if something went wrong but the doctors were fixing something and the anesthesiologist had to shake my shoulders. I did not want to panic because I fully trusted them. After a while, everything was okay and the last thing I remembered was the doctor injecting something on my shoulder. I don't remember anything after. The next thing I knew I was getting wheeled over to the recovery room.
For me, one of the hardest parts was the waiting game. I think I was in the recovery room for almost four hours. Waiting for me was hard because I get bored easily, and in the recovery room, I had to listen repeatedly to the beeping sounds of the machines and stare at the ceiling. The person beside me tried to make a conversation with me so I guess somehow I got entertained.
Upon leaving the recovery room, I asked Julian if he already saw our baby to which he said yes, because he was already in the NICU. He asked me if I already saw Lio but I said no, I hadn't had the chance yet. To my surprise, though, while I was already resting in my hospital room, I saw messages from my OB. She actually sent me photos of me and my baby. Funny thing is, I couldn't remember this moment. But I'm glad, she got it in picture.
Struggles and Regrets
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